Frozen Embryo Transfer

February 2012-August 2012

Frozen Embryo Transfer

Nikki was a breath of fresh air. She amazed me from the get go. She was a 24-year-old single mother of two cute boys. She had a rough life and found herself pregnant at the age of 17.  To make a long story short she, for lack of a better word, found Jesus and changed her life completely around. At the young age of about 20 she wrote on her Facebook that she always wanted to be a surrogate for someone. I was so impressed by this. Who in the world, especially at the age of 20 would be selfless enough to want to have a baby for someone else? Nikki that’s who!!

We had to start all over again with IVF. However, I was so grateful that we had the opportunity to begin again. We made an appointment with the clinic and began to prepare to start another IVF cycle. It took four long months to prepare but by June of 2012 we were able to do a frozen embryo transfer. We didn’t want to take the risk of having twins again so we only transferred one embryo. With a frozen embryo the percentage of it actually taking is about 50%, give or take, rather than the 80% with a fresh cycle. I was depressed with having a smaller chance of the frozen embryo to work but knew it was Gods will.

Sadly enough the frozen embryo did not take. I was crushed and locked myself in my room for about three days. Was this healthily you ask…not so much…. I would not recommend it. I felt hopeless and sunk into an even deeper depression that I already was in.

It had just been over a year and a half since I horrifically died. Almost every night I would have nightmares of my death and now my nightmares were getting worse. Now it included the death of my babies.  Many of my family members including Jay said that I needed to get help and see a counselor. I was to prideful to take any antidepressant and thought all counselors were crocks (No offence Shea). I’m fine I would say, but looking back on it, I clearly was not.

I finally went and talked with my amazing bishop just to tell him that I was not doing good and what had been happening in my life. He was very sympatric and suggested that I seek professional help. He said that he thought that the right baby was out there for me but I needed to get better first. So I started seeing a therapist (Shea) and went on an antidepressant. I would do anything to have another baby and if that meant that I needed to get help first, then so be it.

Of course I would stop at anything and we tried another frozen embryo transfer in July. I tried to keep up my spirits while I was with Nikki. I did not want her to worry or be stressed at all and carried on as if everything was normal.

We were in Jackson Hole on a family trip when the clinic called and said that the transfer had taken and Nikki was pregnant. I was shocked and thrilled.  We were once again pregnant and expecting a baby In March of 2013. When we got back from our trip we went into the clinic and had our first six-week ultrasound.

My heart was full of pure joy when we saw our little baby for the first time and his little heart beating away. How could something so small have a heartbeat? My eyes began to water to think of this miracle that my Heavenly Father had blessed us with once again. It was a dream comes true. The best part was that my cousin Bunny and my cousin’s wife Shelby were pregnant as well and we were all due March of 2013.  It was like a dream come true and it was so fun being pregnant all together!!

Sadly, this happiness did not last long and once again things went from bad to worse. In the middle of August of 2012 we heard the horrible news that Bunny’s baby had miscarried. This was her second miscarriage in a row. She was about ten weeks along and was heart broken as we all were.

August 28, 2012

Today, we (Jay, myself, Nikki and her two boys) car-pooled down to the Utah Fertility Clinic to have our ten-week ultrasound. As we went back to the exam room I must have had a look on my face because Marray asked me how I felt. I said I was really nervous and she said that she could tell. Something just didn’t feel right.

Dr. Foulk performed the ultrasound. There in black and white was our cute little bundle of joy. We looked at the ultrasound, looked at the ultrasound and looked at the ultrasound again and then then Jay fainted. Yes, you heard me right Jay fainted. Which is kind of funny but not really. As he fainted I had a flash back of when I was at the hospital in labor with baby Cord. It was around 3:00 in the morning and the nurses were checking me to see how dilated I was. As they were checking me, a lot of blood and blood clots were coming out. Jay was holding my leg, took one glance at all the red blood and fainted right onto my mom who was asleep on the air mattress. Again I have to laugh just thinking of Jay fainting on top of my mother, but they said I just starred at the wall and whispered, “Are you ok baby”. I was in so much pain I could barely talk.

As Jay fainted in the clinics exam room, I knew that this was not good and it wasn’t. Our little baby did not have a heart beat. It has passed away around 8 1/2 weeks.

So, there I was sobbing as I knelt down on the floor to hold Jay’s hand (while he was unconscious) and also was reaching up to hold Nikki’s hand. They ran to get Jay (who was still on the ground) some water. As he drank it he spit it out and said that it was salt water. He had hit his head on the chair as he fainted but I didn’t think he had hit it that hard.  Everyone thought he was crazy until Dr. Foulk tasted it and spit it out as well and said that it was salt water. I guess when the nurses asked for a cup of water, when Jay fainted, they thought they were doing an ultrasound that required the patient to somehow have salt water. Looking back on it I have to laugh. I mean here Jay faints, yet again, and now he is saying he is drinking salt water. It was quiet comical. But then reality hit. And that reality was that our precious little baby had no heartbeat and had passed away. I was beyond devastated and uncontrollably crying!