One Year Later

Dear baby Zoey

One year ago today a miracle happened that changed our lives forever..... you were born.

Kimberly, (one of my amazing  sisters) who you are named after gave birth to you. She selflessly sacrificed her body and so much more to carry you. She is amazing. I hope you remember this and always have gratitude in your heart for all that she has done for you.

You were born at the University of Utah hospital at 6:33 am on August 3rd. You came so fast that mommy and daddy missed your birth. When you were born you were purple and not breathing. Grandpa was there and he had the privilege of cutting your cord. Then the doctors passed you through a window that whisked you to the NICU.

Zoey, you decided that you were done with heaven and wanted your turn on earth. You were so inpatient that in heaven you pushed all your cousins out of the way and came first, which was three months early. You lil sneak.

You weighed two pounds and fifteen ounces. When mommy and daddy first saw you you were in an incubator hooked up to every machine possible to keep you alive. Mommy started to cry but fell madly in love the moment she saw you. You were and are a beautiful perfect little miracle.

 Pretty soon we had bishop Jenson and your daddy give you a blessing that you would live and be ok but that we would accept gods will.

Over the next two months (63 days) mommy came and saw you everyday.

You ran a pretty good course. You didn't get any infection, no eye problems and no hearing problems. Which is really good for coming at 29 weeks. Your most difficult thing you had to overcome was to take a bottle. It would take you one hour to take an ounce of milk. So you could have probably come home sooner but you would not take a bottle.

You came home on Saturday October 5. Which worked out perfect because you were daddy's birthday present that year (October 6th).

Over the next six months was a challenging time. You were so tiny and never wanted to sleep. Also, it was RSV session. Every month you received your RSV shot to help protect you from getting sick. Btw this shot was 3,000$ each month. Also, u had to be on neo sure formula which was way expensive. These things and so much more is why I call you the "million dollar baby".

The drs said that you had little to no immune system. Because of this we didn't leave the house for six months. Yes mommy went a little crazy. You were a hard baby probably because you were a premie. So needles to say we didn't get a lot of sleep. But you were well worth everything.

Today is August 3 2014. It's your birthday. Yay yay yay!!!!! You weigh 17 pounds and  have tons of brown curly hair (which mommy loves to due and put in bows). You say dadada, mamama, bababa, and more jibber jabber. You are now on whole milk,;(Yay!!!) and can eat solid foods even though you don't like the food and you choke on it. You sleep pretty good now. You go down at 7 or 8 and usually wake up at 6 or 7am.

You love Elyse and Jace and they love you. I've never seen two siblings love their sister more than they do. They watch cartoons with u, play with u, dress u up, and even when their friends come over they always include you.

You roll over and over and you can sit up by yourself but you can't crawl or walk yet. But that's ok because that means you get to be my baby for Little bit longer.

Daddy loves to read to you and play with you and dress you up in u of u clothing (grrr). You say dadda all the time so that makes daddy very very happy. Ps -could you  work on saying mamma more because you love me the most :)

Mommy absolutely adores you. She is a lil Crazy and can't cut the cord. Meaning she never leaves you.  So u are with mommy all the time. Everywhere I go you come to. You scream whenever you can't see mommy. I don't know how you got like that. Lol. Yikes oops

Mommy loves to take showers with you, dress u up, do ur hair, read to u, watch veggie tales with you and especially take naps and cuddle with u. You are my sunshine after a good 5 year tornado. The love I have for you is beyond words (I could go on and on) I'm so grateful for you and the happiness you have brought to our family.

We love you Zoey

Love

Mommy

Daddy

Ely

Jace

Angel brothers

And Halle.

My Testimony 8-3-14

My heart is full of gratitude and humility. One year ago today a miracle happened that changed our lives forever. , her name actually meaning "life", was born. Just getting her here was a miracle. Which is a story to long to explain. But she was 29 weeks gestation (three months early) and weighing in at a whopping 2+ pounds. When i was able to see her for the first time she was in an incubator hooked up to every machine possible to keep her alive. My heart sank. i now could understand how my family must have felt when they saw me for the first time (when i died) hooked up, like zoey to every machine possible trying to bring me back.  Zoey was so sick and so tiny. I remember My wedding ring could fit up her arm. 

 Just to take you back a bit zoey was coming at 26 weeks which is considered micro premee. The head of the nicu nurses came in and talked to us about what the chances were if Zoey Would be born now. She began to say the survival rate was 50-60% and 70-80% of her being deaf blind dumb or mentally challenged. I'm pretty sure the color was already gone from my face but now it was covered in tears. I needed my Heavenly Father and saviors help. Within a half an hour our bishop and members from the ward were at the hospital giving us blessings. Before they got there I just kept thinking and pleading to heavenly father over and over again in my mind that I can't loose another one. I can't do another casket. I can't do another funeral. I can't. I will loose it. 

However, when hands of the melchezidik priesthood were placed upon my head an overwhelming peace and strength came to me. I cant remember exactly what the blessing said but i knew it didn't say that zoey was going to live or die. After the blessing I was calm and felt could feel the love of my savor and the holy ghost so strong. It literally felt as if he were holding me. I heard a still small voice in my mind and in my heart.  I knew that if Heavenly Father needed her to go live with him that he would be there for me so that I could do another casket and he would be there (caring me) so that I  could do another funeral. I'm soo grateful she choose to stay and we got to keep her. She is our sunshine after years and years of storms. I'm grateful for my family jay elyse Jace and zoey and our angel boys. I'm grateful for the savior for sacrificing his life so we could live again. In the name of Jesus Christ amen. 

Update on Z Doll!!

10-21-13

Zoey is now 40 weeks and 4 days gestation. She is 6 pounds 8 ounces. This is basically an ounce a day which is pretty good for a preemie. 50% of the bottles Zoey takes very well. The other times it takes her about an hour to drink. Ahhhhh....Needles to say we are extremely tired. However, we are very grateful for this sweet little miracle.

Here is a cute little picture of Zo

10-4-13

Dear Baby Zoey

Mommy is so excited she has been crying all day for the thought of you coming home tomorrow. Tonight we (mommy and daddy) are sleeping in the twilight room in the Newborn ICU with you. Yes mommy is still crying but crying for pure joy. Mommy has been waiting for this day for three years and 63 days (Yes I’ve been counting). I can’t express to you the overwhelming love that I have for you. Mommy is so proud of all the progress you have made.

You were born at 29 weeks and 2 days, weighing in at 2 pounds 15 ounces. You were on a ventilator that was breathing for you and also hooked up to every machine possible keeping you alive (just like Mommy, no fun).

Now you are off all oxygen, all machines and you don’t even have a feeding tube. Yay!!!! You are also 5 pounds 10 ounces and are the biggest baby in here, lol I love it! You have the cutest chubby checks and you are even starting to get rolls. You are mommy’s little doll. Did I mention that I love you so much and every time I  see you I want to just eat you,, oohhh you are soo cute.

Tonight for the first time you get to sleep with mommy and daddy. Yes, it’s at the hospital but still Ill take it. It’s about time to feed you a bottle. Instead of mommy getting in the car and driving a half an hour to get to the hospital to feed you mommy gets to walk over to your crib pick you up and give you a bottle. I know this doesn’t seem like anything but to Mommy tears up just over the simplest things that she took for granted when Ely and Jace were babies, Now Mommy appreciates every little thing. Bye for now see you in a few hours. J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10-3-13

Dear baby Zoey

Happy 2 month birthday Zoey!! You are 5 pounds 9 1/2 ounces. Today marks 61 days that you (and mommy) have been living in the nicu. However, I just called your nurse and they said you might come home SATURDAY!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh trying not to get my hopes up.....hmmm to late.....ahhhhhhhhhhh. Yay!!!!!!

Love Mommy

9-29-13

Dear Baby Zoey

You are now eight weeks old and you are five pounds eight ounces. I call you the heavy weight around here because your roommates are  only three pounds..lol.
We are very grateful that you have been doing so well. So far you don't have any infection and they are not concerned about your eyes. The only major hurtle, yes major hurtle, you have to overcome is to take all your feedings from a bottle. For the last week you didn't want anything to do with your bottle. Then suddenly on Thursday morning (9-26-13) daddy came to feed you for the first time and you drank a WHOLE bottle. yay yay yay!!!! Then slowly but surly you started picking up the pace and started loving your bottles. If you keep this up you will be able to go home in a couple of weeks. I try not to get my hopes up but could you pretty please come home now:)!!!!

Love Mommy

flip book below

9-21-13

9-21-13

Dear Baby Zoey

Mommy is so so proud of you. You have reached a lot of milestones!!
First, you are now my heavy weight. You weigh 5 pounds 2 ounces! Yay!
2-this is huge news....you are off your oxygen completely! They didn't just turn it down or off they took your nasal cannula out...hip hip hooray!! The NP said they could put you back on the oxygen but for right now it's out. Now you just have one tube and that's your feeding tube. Mommy loves it because she can see more of your face without all that tape. You are starting to get my chubby checks, which I kiss and kiss and kiss.
3-Every other feeding I get to give you a bottle. It's 45 ml of breast milk and it takes you a good 25-30 minutes to eat it. I have to pace you. This means you take 3-5 sucks then you breath for a couple of seconds and then we repeat. Mommy loves to see you drinking bottles because as soon as you take every feed by bottle you can......Come Home....yay!!! Of course,when mommy heard this she has to run to baby gap and get you some cute little tiny clothes. Mommy can't wait until she can play dress up with you. Sooo exciting!!!
4- Last but not least....the UTES beat BYU 13-20. Yay!!!! And you were the only baby in the nicu waving (holding) and cheering on the your Utes!!! Pretty awesome!!

Love Mommy

9-20-13 Bitter Sweet

9-20-13

Bitter Sweet

I’m feeling so many emotions today. Three years ago we went to have an ultrasound on our baby (baby Cord). We could not see our baby very well and right away we knew something was wrong. The doctor said that there was very little amniotic fluid and also said, "this is very scary". We had an apt to see the specialist on September 23. For three torturous days we looked up on everything and anything we could possible find to help fix this problem. FYI never read stuff on the Internet (bad idea)! I think I drank my weight in water. I went to Costco and bought and drank two packages of Costco’s water pellets (72) to see if that would help.... it didn't.

We sadly found out that our baby had potters syndrome and that he would not survive outside the womb. To say that we were heart broken and crushed would be an understatement. I cried and cried and then cried some more. Thankfully we were able to go to the temple and find some much needed peace. We received an answer that our little baby's mission in life would not  be an earthly one but a heavenly one.

Now three years later I just called up to the hospital and Zoey weighs 5, yes, 5 pounds!!!! Ahhhh yay yay yay!!! Huge milestone!!!! Now all she has to do is learn how to breath and take a bottle at the same time. Once she learns how to do this she can come home. Yay!!!!! She will be 7 weeks tomorrow and that means I have basically lived there for the past 7 weeks. I'm so grateful for her! She has definitely been our tender mercy!!

9-17-13 Bottles

9-17-13

Dear Baby Zoey

Drum roll...............................................................................................................................................
You are drinking bottles now!! Yay. You drink two 40 ml bottles a day. You still have your feeding tube in but this is huge. However, it takes you 30-40 minutes to drink your bottle because you haven't quite figured out how to drink and breath at the same time so OT has to pace you. But still this is great news!!
You weigh 4 pounds 12 ounces. Yay. So close to five pounds. I know this sounds like nothing but you were as low as 2 pounds 6 ounces. So I'll take the increase anytime:)
We are still on out vaca but Mommy misses you so much and is very home sick for you!!! I can't wait until you can come with us next time.
You still have a little tachycardia (which means your heart rate goes into the 200's) they are not sure why. Your echo came back normal and showed no heart murmur. (YAY). Kimmi has gone to see you a lot while Mommys been gone and so has grandma and grandpa. Everyone loves and prays for you endlessly. You (as well as mommy) are such a miracle and I never want you to forget that!
Hopefully tomorrow mommy will be there to nurse and feed you a bottle!! I'm soo excited I can't stand it!!!

Love Mommy

9-12-13 Attitude of Gratitude

9-12-13
Dear Baby Zoey
Attitude of gratitude!
Ahhh every time Mommy holds you she just can't believe that you are here. We have tried and tried anything and  everything to get you here, and finally after many years of pain and heartache you are in my arms...tears!;)
Mommy is so grateful for all the progress you are making and how much of a fighter you truly are.
You took a bottle (25ml) for the first time this morning. This is huge since they have tried bottles before and you say, "nope, I like my feeding tube just fine"! Lol
Now you are 4 pounds 7 ounces and 35 weeks gestation today...yay!!!
You have a fast heart rate and you sometimes have tachycardia.  The NP just came by and listened to you and stated you might have a little heart murmur. During rounds they will discuss if they want to do an echo on you. Also, you were suppose to have your eye screen yesterday but they suspended it for right now. There's a criteria you have to meet for them to do the exam and you are right on the fence. So they may or may not do one. But, other than that you are doing amazing considering how early you were born.
Our family is going out of town for a little vaca. Mommy wishes you could come with us but she knows that is a very bad idea. However, she as well as daddy, Ely, and Jace will miss you so much and mommy will probably call every five minutes to see how you are doing.

Love Mommy

9-8-13

9-8-13

Dear Baby Zoey

Mommy is so proud of you. Today when we practiced nursing (for a half hour) you actually swallowed five times. Usually all you do is take a few licks and then go back to sleep. So I'm going to give you three stars for this one!!!:)

It's amazing how much you are growing. You were as low as 2 pounds 6 ounces. Now you are 4 pounds 2 1/2 ounces. That almost double!!!

You are starting to fill out a ton. You are even getting some rolls on your arms!! Mommy could just kiss you all day...but I don't think I'm allowed too.

Drum rolls time.......................................

the doctors made their rounds and they are going to take you off of the nasal cannula to see how you do!!!! Silent scream here we come..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yay!!!! Hopefully we will get to see more of your pretty little face!! I'm so excited I can't wait!!

You still have a feeding tube but hopefully your check muscles are strong enough to start sucking on a bottle.

I think you heard that we were going out of town and you were like "I don't think so". "Not without me you're not". Lol

Mommy is going to go to sacrament at the hospital so I'll see you in a minute :)

Love Mommy

9-6-13

9-6-13

Dear Baby Zoey

Today was the first time that Mommy was able to put a cute little outfit on you.  I was going to give you your first bath but the nurses wouldn’t let me…nuts.

Ahhhh you looked so cute and beautiful in your little doll clothes!! Elyse, Jace and Daddy were able to come and hold you. They love you soo much. Ely and Jace love to call you chubby checks and give you lots of kisses.

Here is some exciting news…you are now 4 POUNDS!! Ahhhhh so exciting!!! You are huge and even getting some cute little rolls. You are looking more like a baby and less like an alien.

Tomorrow will mark 5 weeks of you being in the hospital. I think your medical bills are (and still climbing) over 50,000 dollars, yikes! Mommy is ready for you to come home now. She is tired of some of the nurses and staff that are not very nice and sometimes even rude. However, I do appreciate, and I’m very grateful, for the amazing care that they give you. You really have one last big hurdle to jump and that is to feed on your own. This means you need to start nursing and taking a bottle so they can take out your feeding tube, or you can just pull it out again…lol.

Mommy is hoping that you are well enough to come home the end of September or beginning of October. That would be the best present ever!! We love you so very much and know that it’s truly a miracle that you are here and alive. I’m so grateful? for a loving heavenly father and Savior for making it possible to have you, Elyse, Jace, Daddy and your brothers for eternity.

Love Mommy