Bittersweet

March 13, 2013

        Today is a bittersweet day. Bitter because it's our last appointment at the Utah Fertility Clinic (they are by far the best clinic you will ever go to). We have been going there for two years. When we first started going to the clinic it was just Dr. Foulk, Marray , and AnneMarie. Now they are so popular and good that they have many staff members and are building a new place to be able to fit everyone. We will miss all of them so much. They really have become like family to us. They have been there every step of the way. I just want to thank Dr. Foulk, all the Doctors, Marrray, Anne-Marie, Brooke, Tonya, Camilla, and all the staff. We absolutely love them and appreciate all they have done for us. (Sorry that probably sounded like I was getting an award and had to do a shout out to thank all my peeps. Lol J)

         Now, the sweet part; we are PREGNANT YAY!!! And have graduated from the clinic. It’s time to move on and see our new OBGYN. We met with him last week and really liked him. We will see him every month and then when it becomes closer to her due date we will see him every week. We pray all may go well for Kimmi and this little tike she is selflessly carrying for us. Hopefully Kim will write a post on the blog to tell us what she is going through.

         Now, it’s time for pictures. Dr. Foulk called me the paparazzi because I was snapping so many. Lol I thought that was funny!!

Ultrasound Tour 

The Crew          

 Kimmi

 Kimmi & Jessica

 9 Weeks Along

 Yay, We Are Pregnant

 Kim, No Touchy...LOL

 Litte Tike or Tikett :)

Jess, Kim (singleton), Marray (triplets), Dr. Foulk

 The Clan

                                       

First OBGYN Appointment

First OBGYN Appointment

Today (March 6, 2013, 2:00pm) is our first visit with our OBGYN. He is at the University of Utah hospital in the maternal fetal medicine. We decided since we have buried so many babies we would go and see a specialist. I hope we will be able to see him. They say this doctor is in high demand and one of the best of the best. I just pray that we can have a full term living healthy baby.

We are sitting in the waiting room and I can barely breath because I’m so nervous and scared.

Kim how do you feel? “I feel a little nervous”!

Kim will be 8 weeks tomorrow. We are having an ultrasound today and then we will see the doctor. I pray all goes well.

As we are waiting it’s hard not to notice all the cute round bellies in the room. It makes me flash back to when I was last pregnant. I would give anything to be pregnant again. However, I’m so humbled and grateful to Kim to be selfless and brave enough to carry our little baby and her little niece or nephew.

Omg, we just got done with the ultrasound (3:45pm). First time in a few days we both have been able to breath. At first the ultrasound tech said that she couldn’t see Kim’s uterus or the baby. Both Kim and I were frozen thinking the worst. Then the tech said since she couldn’t see anything she would do an intra-vaginal ultrasound. We were able to breath again after we could see our baby on the ultrasound and its little heart beating away. The baby’s heartbeat was 165. I was not able to film the ultrasound but the tech said she would give us a picture.

Kim how are you feeling, now? “Good, just tired. I threw up for the first time yesterday in my car as I was going to work. That wasn’t fun but at least I’m feeling better”.

Now we are just waiting to see the doctor (4:00pm). I hope all goes well and he isn’t too bombarded by all our questions. I told Kim that from now on she is going to be in a wheelchair so her water or anything else can’t break. Kim didn’t like that Idea. Ahh nuts.

Questions we want to ask the doctor

Medications

Caffeine

Ultrasounds

Due date

Activates

Can I move?

Disneyland/wheelchair

Driving

How soon can we tell if it has kidneys?

How soon can we tell if it has a cleft lip

How soon can we tell if it will survive outside the womb?

How to prevent water from breaking.

What am I measuring today?

Pain when I have my progesterone shot on a specific side and pain shoots down my leg

Progesterone shot every day for 12 weeks, Ouch!

Then at 20 weeks to 36 weeks take a progesterone shot once a week, whew

Baby

Baby this week is as big as a blueberry. Hands and feet are emerging from babies developing arms and legs.  225 days to go

Kim

Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it J

Go to bed early and get plenty of rest

Take a quick 15 to 20 minute walk a day

I’m very very nervous and shaking, not sure why. Breathe Jessica breathe, as I was trying to calm myself down.

My aunt said that your child is supposed to stress you out when it becomes a teenager, not while still in your womb.

Now the nurse is going over Kim’s history. She is talking about the twins and I’m trying not to cry. Ahh this history part sucks. As many of you know we haven’t had much luck with babies in the last 29 months.

Wow, the Nurse said she had twin boys. One died of cystic fibrosis. While in her womb he was fine but once he was born he was not able to breathe and he passed away. The other twin is perfectly healthy and four years old. Reminds me of Baby Cord, tears. L

As we were in the exam room waiting for the doctor the midwife was going over Kim’s medical history. I finally said “Well, just so you know this is my sister and she is pregnant with my biological baby. The nurse was a little stunned and asked how this came to be. I thought to myself, uh oh here comes the story.

I told her that in 2010 I was pregnant with my third child who later we found out had potters syndrome. When they induced me I was in labor for 27+ hours and bleeding internally but nobody knew it. Next day after discharge, I collapse and they life-flight me to the IMC. At the IMC they put in an IVC filter and started doing exploratory surgery to see if they can find the bleed. Then my heart stopped for 90 MINUTES, Dr. Jones (Amazing doctor) had to saw open my sternum and do a double pulmonary embolectomy. I was put on the pump (heart and lung machine) life support, feeding tube, etc.. Once blood was going through my body again I started to bleed again so Dr. Webb (Another Amazing Doctor) had to do an emergency hysterectomy. Luckily leaving my ovaries in to make IVF even possible.

The midwife’s mouth and eyes were wide open. She couldn’t believe my story. Just then the doctor came in and the midwife wanted me to tell the doctor my History. As I was telling my death story again the doctor interrupted me and said that he knew me, from my history, and had heard of me and of my situation.

Omg, really ??Holy cow I cant believe he has heard of my case since it happened at the IMC. I guess this whole hospital knows about my case and what happened in 2010. I heard they would call down to the IMC and ask if I had passed away. When they heard that I made it they couldn’t believe it. These are highly trained professional doctors and they couldn’t believe I was alive.

Wow, I love to hear stories like that because this just proves that miracle’s still do happen.  

Here are some pictures from today:

 I'm taking notes for the visit today.

 Kim is very tired and has no energy.

 Smiling, waiting to see the Doctor.

 Gestational Calendar.

 Say cheese!

 Waiting to get Kim's blood drawn

First Ultrasound

First Ultrasound 7 weeks (six minutes long)

 Marray pregnant with.....Triplets!!! Two boys and a girl!! Yes, she is AMAZING!

 We are sooo happy!!!

 Cute Kimmi!!

Kim's Daily Shot

Every day Kim has to have a progesterone shot. I like to call it the "peanut butter" shot because it's like pushing peanut butter into her muscle. The needle is an inch and a half long and very thick....OUCH!!

Kim is amazing!! She does this selflessly everyday along with taking other medications and injections.

I love and appreciate you so much Kimmi, I just wanted you to know that!! 

Frozen Embryo Transfer

February 2012-August 2012

Frozen Embryo Transfer

Nikki was a breath of fresh air. She amazed me from the get go. She was a 24-year-old single mother of two cute boys. She had a rough life and found herself pregnant at the age of 17.  To make a long story short she, for lack of a better word, found Jesus and changed her life completely around. At the young age of about 20 she wrote on her Facebook that she always wanted to be a surrogate for someone. I was so impressed by this. Who in the world, especially at the age of 20 would be selfless enough to want to have a baby for someone else? Nikki that’s who!!

We had to start all over again with IVF. However, I was so grateful that we had the opportunity to begin again. We made an appointment with the clinic and began to prepare to start another IVF cycle. It took four long months to prepare but by June of 2012 we were able to do a frozen embryo transfer. We didn’t want to take the risk of having twins again so we only transferred one embryo. With a frozen embryo the percentage of it actually taking is about 50%, give or take, rather than the 80% with a fresh cycle. I was depressed with having a smaller chance of the frozen embryo to work but knew it was Gods will.

Sadly enough the frozen embryo did not take. I was crushed and locked myself in my room for about three days. Was this healthily you ask…not so much…. I would not recommend it. I felt hopeless and sunk into an even deeper depression that I already was in.

It had just been over a year and a half since I horrifically died. Almost every night I would have nightmares of my death and now my nightmares were getting worse. Now it included the death of my babies.  Many of my family members including Jay said that I needed to get help and see a counselor. I was to prideful to take any antidepressant and thought all counselors were crocks (No offence Shea). I’m fine I would say, but looking back on it, I clearly was not.

I finally went and talked with my amazing bishop just to tell him that I was not doing good and what had been happening in my life. He was very sympatric and suggested that I seek professional help. He said that he thought that the right baby was out there for me but I needed to get better first. So I started seeing a therapist (Shea) and went on an antidepressant. I would do anything to have another baby and if that meant that I needed to get help first, then so be it.

Of course I would stop at anything and we tried another frozen embryo transfer in July. I tried to keep up my spirits while I was with Nikki. I did not want her to worry or be stressed at all and carried on as if everything was normal.

We were in Jackson Hole on a family trip when the clinic called and said that the transfer had taken and Nikki was pregnant. I was shocked and thrilled.  We were once again pregnant and expecting a baby In March of 2013. When we got back from our trip we went into the clinic and had our first six-week ultrasound.

My heart was full of pure joy when we saw our little baby for the first time and his little heart beating away. How could something so small have a heartbeat? My eyes began to water to think of this miracle that my Heavenly Father had blessed us with once again. It was a dream comes true. The best part was that my cousin Bunny and my cousin’s wife Shelby were pregnant as well and we were all due March of 2013.  It was like a dream come true and it was so fun being pregnant all together!!

Sadly, this happiness did not last long and once again things went from bad to worse. In the middle of August of 2012 we heard the horrible news that Bunny’s baby had miscarried. This was her second miscarriage in a row. She was about ten weeks along and was heart broken as we all were.

August 28, 2012

Today, we (Jay, myself, Nikki and her two boys) car-pooled down to the Utah Fertility Clinic to have our ten-week ultrasound. As we went back to the exam room I must have had a look on my face because Marray asked me how I felt. I said I was really nervous and she said that she could tell. Something just didn’t feel right.

Dr. Foulk performed the ultrasound. There in black and white was our cute little bundle of joy. We looked at the ultrasound, looked at the ultrasound and looked at the ultrasound again and then then Jay fainted. Yes, you heard me right Jay fainted. Which is kind of funny but not really. As he fainted I had a flash back of when I was at the hospital in labor with baby Cord. It was around 3:00 in the morning and the nurses were checking me to see how dilated I was. As they were checking me, a lot of blood and blood clots were coming out. Jay was holding my leg, took one glance at all the red blood and fainted right onto my mom who was asleep on the air mattress. Again I have to laugh just thinking of Jay fainting on top of my mother, but they said I just starred at the wall and whispered, “Are you ok baby”. I was in so much pain I could barely talk.

As Jay fainted in the clinics exam room, I knew that this was not good and it wasn’t. Our little baby did not have a heart beat. It has passed away around 8 1/2 weeks.

So, there I was sobbing as I knelt down on the floor to hold Jay’s hand (while he was unconscious) and also was reaching up to hold Nikki’s hand. They ran to get Jay (who was still on the ground) some water. As he drank it he spit it out and said that it was salt water. He had hit his head on the chair as he fainted but I didn’t think he had hit it that hard.  Everyone thought he was crazy until Dr. Foulk tasted it and spit it out as well and said that it was salt water. I guess when the nurses asked for a cup of water, when Jay fainted, they thought they were doing an ultrasound that required the patient to somehow have salt water. Looking back on it I have to laugh. I mean here Jay faints, yet again, and now he is saying he is drinking salt water. It was quiet comical. But then reality hit. And that reality was that our precious little baby had no heartbeat and had passed away. I was beyond devastated and uncontrollably crying!