We go in for our 16 week ultrasound on Jace’s birthday which is
this Wednesday, May 1st. This ultrasound will hopefully be able to
tell us if this baby has kidneys or not. So many emotions and thoughts are
racing through my mind as I reflect back to the day that we found out that our
sweet baby Cord would not be joining us in this earthly life. I feel impressed
to share a personal letter that we wrote to him the day we found out this sad
news.
September 2010
Dear Baby Teeny,
Words cannot describe, nor can our emotions ever adequately
demonstrate, the amount of love that we feel for you. We feel an overwhelming
sense of loss and grief. Consequently, we similarly feel feelings of gratitude,
peace, and hope. We just wanted you to know some of the promises the Lord gave
to you, and to us, today during a blessing given by me (your father) to your
mom. We arrived home from the hospital around 11 a.m.. To say that we were
devastated by the news that you would not be joining us in our earthly life
would be a gross understatement. After quietly pondering, weeping, and praying
for acceptance, your mother asked that I give her a blessing. I had already
felt the Lord giving me answers a few minutes before she asked me to give the
blessing. Sometimes, I am at a loss for words when I give blessings. Not this
time.
“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away” were words
that I never really understood until now. Those were the first words that came
to my mind. We understood that all of our blessings come from Heavenly Father.
One of the greatest blessings we have ever had was the opportunity to conceive
and create a body for you. It quickly came to my mind, from the Lord, that your
mission is not an earthly one- but a divine heavenly calling, to serve
alongside your grandfathers who passed before you. It also came to me that you
will be a part of our family forever. We went to the temple today to seek
answers for how we should proceed after we heard the news that you would not be
able to survive outside of your mom. A huge part of the comfort we feel now is
that we will be together again someday, as a family. We feel grateful that you
do not have to pass the test of this earthly life. That you don’t have to face
the sorrows, trials, and difficulties of this life. The knowledge that you get
to live directly with Heavenly Father again gives us much comfort. It also came
to both of us that Heavenly Father needs you. He needs you up with him
performing His work and teaching His children in the spirit world. Our decision
to send you back to live with our Heavenly Father sooner, rather than 15 weeks
from now, has been the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make. But, we know
that is the will of the Lord. As much as we want to keep you here with us for a
while longer, we know that the Lord needs you.
Another part of your blessing that came to me is that the Lord
has accepted our sacrifice. In the temple we all make a covenant to live the
law of consecration. Or that we will give all the Lord has given us, even our
own lives if necessary, to build and sustain the kingdom of God. We know that
this extends to children. The greatest sacrifice that we will ever have to make
is giving you back to Heavenly Father. We will miss and think about you every
day. But, the knowledge that you will be with Heavenly Father, helping to build
his kingdom, makes it all worth it.
We know from the scriptures that the Lord sends angels to help
his children get through difficult times and to testify of Jesus Christ. A
strong impression I received during the blessing was that you would be watching
out for our family from the other side of the veil. We need you. Elyse
and Jace especially will need you as they go throughout their lives.
Please watch over us as we try to make the right decisions and live righteous
lives.
Another part of a blessing I gave to your mom a few days ago was
that we know that you will be healed. For some reason, you did not have any
kidneys and functioning lungs. We know that at that glorious day when the Lord
comes again to the Earth that you will be resurrected and brought up with us to
live once more. Through the power of the atonement, your body will be made
perfect. We know that we are making the right decision. Part of the reason for
writing this letter to you is to remind us that we are doing the right thing-
no matter what Satan may tell us in the future. We love you. We miss you.
Whenever we attend the temple we will remember this day as we sat with you in
the celestial room- knowing that we will see you again someday. We now give you
back to that God who gave you life. Thank you for staying with us for this
short season. We will always be together and we will see you soon. Until we
meet again…
Love,
Mom and Dad
Special memories for baby Cordell.
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